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DONNA'S STORIES
Grams
My grandmother always told stories. Her stories gave me the
gift of knowing who she was through the times and events that
shaped her life.
At 18, Grams, aka “Miss Clean Panties”, left her family home
in Kansas City, Mo for New York and Broadway. It was 1906,
just after her mother’s death at age 38 from paralysis.
Eighteen was also the size of her waist as she often reminded
us and had saved the belts to prove it.
Trained since childhood in dance and singing, she headed for
the stage against the advice of family and friends. She made
it - and told us her stories of show business, touring coast
to coast by train with opera and vaudeville companies, stories
of life backstage behind the curtains. Friends nicknamed her
“Miss Clean Panties” because she always looked clean and well
groomed.
Growing Up
My parents, Don and Rose-Marie May, met as students at the
American Academy of Art in Chicago. My mother had applied to
architecture school but her rejection letter said women were
not admitted. One day my father saw a lovely young woman and
looking for an excuse to meet her asked to borrow a tube of
ultramarine blue paint. He always called her “Roses” and on
their 50th anniversary described her as “…the closest to God
I’ll ever get.”
23 Pennies for the Red Cross
I was 6 and loved putting on shows. The production was a
disaster but we collected 23 cents admission from neighbors.
Dad did not see the play, but came home early to drive me to
the local Red Cross office. He introduced me to the director
and I explained about the play and handed over the 23 pennies.
The director gave me a receipt with a reminder that
contributions were tax deductible. What I remember most is
standing there with him – how proud he was – how proud I was.
I felt his hand, a light squeeze on my shoulder. At times I
still do.
My parents sought horizons without limits, the warmth of the
west and its peoples. At 9 we moved from Chicago to
Philadelphia to Anaheim. The family expanded. I was the oldest
of 7 children, 4 born in Illinois, 3 in California.
Girl Scouting shaped my young life. I loved campfires,
cookouts and merit badges. One year I set up a sale table in
front of the local A&P supermarket and sold the most cookies
in Anaheim. Later, as a senior scout, I represented the United
States at an international conference of Girl Scouts and Girl
Guides in Rome.
My best high school job was at the concession stand in front
of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle. Each area of Disneyland -
Adventureland, Tomorrowland, Frontierland, Fantasyland, Main
Street - had a special costume for its employees. Early in the
morning before the park opened, when it was still and sunny
and Main Street wet from hosing down, as I stepped in costume
through the service area doors into the Magic Kingdom, I felt
part of that magic too.
Dog Walks
It was the American Legion national oratorical contest. The
topic was and still is the Constitution: a 10 minute prepared
speech followed by 5 minutes extemporaneous on any of the 7
articles or 22
 amendments drawn from a hat. I was the lone
girl of five high school contestants who made it to the
California state finals in San Francisco.
As we waited in a library for the program to begin, the guys
compared SAT scores (all aced them) and how to get the best
references for college applications (tip: your parents must
know someone with pull). I drew the 3rd speaking position. The
moderator introduced me quoting Samuel Johnson, “A woman
preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hinder legs. It’s not
well done; but you are surprised to find it done at all.” Many
laughed. I didn’t get the joke. As I rose to speak, I noticed
tears welling in the eyes of my speech coach, Gwen Holly
Simpson. It was not my best performance. I managed an
honorable mention.
21st Century
Health Club – It’s Free
Together my parents were a force of nature, gifted at building
community and drawing people together through laughter, art,
picnics, parades and projects. Throughout their lives and
wherever they were, they reached out to help others through
scouts, PTA, church organizations, service clubs, United Way,
family camps.
My parents bestowed a moral imperative to use my gifts where
and how I can to help make the world better for others. I’ve
served on boards, chaired committees, recruited volunteers,
raised and contributed funds, distributed food, taught
classes, provided counseling, campaigned for candidates.
For me, volunteer work brings deep and lasting friendships,
understanding and appreciation of my community and its
peoples. Most of all, I feel the irrepressible spirit of our
country.
Bonus: better health. Check out The Health Benefits of
Volunteering
www.nationalservice.gov about where volunteering is
described as the new, no fee, health club for the 21st
century.
PROFESSIONAL HIGHLIGHTS
First Job
My first job after college was creating programs to get
mothers out of the house. As Adult Education director for the
Brooklyn YWCA. I developed “Homemaker’s Holiday” to offer
mothers stimulating discussions, friendship, support - with
child care while they participated.
Another favorite part of this job was organizing events where
immigrants studying to become citizens could practice English
and learn about the history, customs and geography of the
United States. One session featured my sister, Shinan Barclay
(http://shinanbarclay.vox.com)
just back from teaching in Kotzebue, Alaska, 30 miles above
the Artic Circle. Shinan displayed mukluks and muktuk. They
loved it.
My first professional development workshop was at YWCA
national offices in New York City. The take away message:
“Always work for someone who recognizes and appreciates your
potential. Otherwise you won’t develop.”
Vets and Women asking Who-am-I-now?
Vietnam vets looked to community colleges to help rebuild
their lives, to ask and answer Who-am-I-now? As a
counselor at Lake Michigan College (Benton Harbor, MI), I led
support groups for returning vets, young, vulnerable, snatched
up right after high school graduation.
These men sought job and social skills, new roles in their
families and communities - and most of all, escape from combat
flashbacks and nightmares. Relaxation training quickly became
their favorite part of our meetings. They craved time out to
rest and find peace in the emerging safe and secure places
within themselves.
I joined a group of community women to start the Woman’s
Center at Lake Michigan College. We planned the Center’s fall
programs while canning tomatoes and peaches. Children came
too. As a single parent, this was my idea of heaven –
multi-tasking with my daughter playing nearby.
With canning jars everywhere waiting to be sterilized in the
dishwasher, bushels of free fruit left over after groves were
picked for commercial sale and enough peelings to stop up the
garbage disposal more than once, we outlined workshops about
identity, self-discovery and career exploration. Women in
transition – back to school, back to work, deciding what to do
next, asking Who-am-I-now?
The He/She Dilemma
 Through a post doctoral fellowship with the
Institute of Educational Leadership
www.iel.org/epfp, I became legislative staff to the
Illinois General Assembly Higher Education Committee. I’m
especially proud of 2 bills I drafted and worked to pass:
extending financial aid eligibility to include part time
students, most of whom were women; and establishing tuition
grants for medical students willing to work in underserved
areas after graduation.
The Equal Rights Amendment was a hot topic then. The Illinois
Commission on the Status of Women was charged with revising
all volumes of the Illinois State Statutes to eliminate gender
biased language. Often this required simply replacing “he”
with “he or she”. One that got away was “wet nurse”. Check out
the National Council of Teachers of English for helpful
guidelines on gender fair writing.
www.ncte.org/about/over/positions/category/lang/107647.htm
Center for Woman’s Identity Studies
I founded the Center for Woman’s Identity Studies with
funding the Women’s Educational Equity Act
www.gov/programs/equity/index.html. The Center conducted
one of the first multicultural studies of life transitions and
how they shape women’s identity. The Who-am-I-now?
Review grew out of that research.
Like the Our Bodies Ourselves series
http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org
our work sought to understand the life experiences of women on
their own terms and in their own words, and to highlight
similarities and differences among women from diverse
backgrounds. Women were invited to tell stories of events they
felt shaped their identity.
Dr. Nancy Downing Hansen, fellow of the American Psychological
Association, praised our research as 1 of 3 especially
influential contributions to the understanding of women’s
identity. The significance of this work was underscored when
the Henry A. Murray Center for the Study of Lives, Radcliffe
Institute for Advanced Study of Harvard University, requested
the interview material for its archives, making it available
in perpetuity to scholars around the world. In 2007, Dr. Drew
Gilpin Faust, then dean of that Institute, became Harvard’s
28th and first female president.
Later, the studies were selected for the Murray Center’s
Midlife Research Program funded by the MacArthur Foundation
and also included in their Diversity Archive funded by the
National Institutes of Mental Health (www.radcliffe.edu/murray/data/ds/ds0660.htm).
A series of publications for education and mental health was
produced.
“Where Psychology Gets Down To Business”
 Through
counseling, teaching and management consulting across a wide
spectrum of persons, organizations and cultures, I’ve learned
about women’s lives and the forces shaping them. I’ve seen
first hand how our lives are embedded in and nurtured by
overlapping networks of relationships in the family, workplace
and community.
Avery Andrews Associates, my business, focuses on knowledge as
prevention. This means transplanting and translating
information from the language of research to real life issues
in workplace, home and community. Here are some examples:
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“The Right Stuff”,
a workshop for small business owners on the psychological
characteristics of the successful entrepreneur.
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“Psychology for
Seniors”, interactive course in which senior citizens learn to
recognize and manage feelings and communicate across
generations.
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“Psychology
1-2-3”, one of the first practical mental health courses
offered for university credit.
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“The Power of Good
Data”, where managers learn to present information to maximize
its influence on decision makers.
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“Using Your
Teaching Style To Maximize Learning”, a professional
development course for college faculty to demonstrate how
perceptual and communication styles influence student learning
and performance.
Like individuals, organizations need help during times of
transition – merger, market expansion or segmentation,
resource realignment, change in leadership. Clients have
included Hazelden Foundation, Illinois Nurses Association,
Rockwell International, Chicago City College system,
University of Illinois at Chicago, Social Security
Administration, Washburne Culinary Institute, Bell Parts
Supply, Boys and Girls Clubs of Chicago, family businesses,
school and park boards, trade and professional associations.
I earned my BA with honors from Mount St, Mary’s College, Los
Angeles, MA from Teachers College, Columbia University and
Ed.D. from Indiana University, Bloomington.
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